Making it as a married couple in today’s world, may be harder than ever before. We not only live in a society preoccupied with everyone else’s business, but also obsessed with sex. Many adults today devote more time and attention to their Facebook friends then their own spouses.
From billboards and movies to Family Channel sitcoms, we are flooded with some form of sex on a daily basis. This competitive, social atmosphere with its relentless sexual focus can cause undue pressure and stress in our real life romantic relationships. Leading couples to feel not up to par, lackluster, “sexless” and even possibly abnormal. The question is, are today’s “real” couples truly sexless or do we need to reexamine the term and stop comparing?
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary sexless is defined as, “Not having sexual activity. Not including sex”. However in the real world, a sexless marriage can constitute something different to every partner and every couple. Thus, couples need to determine as a unit what constitutes sex for them, i.e., fondling, oral sex, intercourse, etc. Additionally they need to decipher the number of occurrences that need to take place to meet their sexual needs as a couple.
The fact is in 2015, most husbands and wives do not actively discuss this topic and probably do not see eye to eye even if they did. For instance, a newly married husband may think a sexless marriage is having intercourse less than three times a week, while his wife would define a sexless marriage as having oral sex and/or intercourse no more than once a week.
On the other hand, a husband that has been married for ten years may think a sexless marriage is having intercourse no more than every other month, but his wife equates a sexless marriage to one where no form of sex has taken place in years. Therefore, couples need to make it a priority to regroup and determine their sexual needs as a team.
Couples can also benefit from exploring their sexual satisfaction levels, which are highly dependent on life circumstances and expectations. For instance, if a couple with a toddler are content, and happy with some form of sex every other month then they would probably not define their marriage as sexless, no matter what the media dictates. However, an unhappily married couple who participate in both oral sex and intercourse one to two times a week, may still feel their relationship is truly “sexless” and just going through the motions compared to others. Thus, truly connecting and communicating with your spouse about your feelings and desires is key to not only a strong emotional relationship, but a strong sexual connection.
Remember, men many times communicate their emotions through sex and women have sex when they are feeling emotionally connected, therefore both partners benefit from both verbal and physical linking. Additionally, when couples move inward and communicate, instead of outward and comparing, many find a new sense of connection and a lack of desire to compare and compete with others.
Overall, sex lives for married couples can and will ebb and flow, but as a couple you have a choice on what you do about it. Communication as a couple is imperative while continuing to inwardly examine your own relationship. Stop comparing yourselves to false outward standards.
To learn more strategies for achieving a successful marriage, call Life Counseling Solutions at 407-622-1770 to set up your free 30 minute consultation or to schedule an appointment today by calling 407-622-1770!
Author: Morgan Rhami