As news broke of yet another Hollywood couple getting divorced I can’t help to feel sad about what has become of the marriage union. I also get a little ticked off at how excited the media is to report what should be sad news but now become the norm. Celebrity divorce may be hot entertainment news but behind the scenes are real people dealing with not only the loss of a relationship but also a very critical audience. Accusations are flying and everyone is watching to see if they can get the “scoop” as to what really happened and as the days progress it seems that both sides are starting to break their silence and fire away at each other. Heartbreaking to see individuals who once loved each other become enemies through the process of divorce. Is it possible to divorce with dignity? Yes it is.
I believe that a big part of maintaining your dignity comes from acceptance. The truth is that we can’t plan or control everything that happens in life. Perhaps your spouse’ feelings have changed or maybe they were unfaithful. As painful as this may be you can focus on the reality that happy days are ahead and this like everything else is an experience one that you can overcome. I hate to sound like I am minimizing divorce because that is certainly not my intention but what we choose to believe and our perceptions have so much power over our thoughts and actions along the way.
Most of us have heard the cliché if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. As simple as that may sound I wish more people would put that into practice especially during times of discord. The way you feel today will not likely be the way you feel forever but once the words are spoken they cannot be taken back and the damage is done. Practicing containment means that we don’t act out on everything we think and feel. Choosing to be respectful of your soon to be ex can be hard to do but one of the best decisions you will make. If you don’t feel like you respect them anymore at least try and respect the relationship whether good, bad or indifferent it was a significant part of your life.
We all need someone to talk to and sharing with your closest friend, family member or therapist can be helpful but rehashing every detail of your failed marriage will only cause you to feel victimized. Throwing your ex under the bus may feel good in the moment but you will appear scorned and again like a victim. Wouldn’t you rather hold your head up high and move on with your life? Dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings will keep you stuck in those emotions. In addition others may feel forced to take sides causing a strain on mutual friendships causing them to alienate you to avoid being put in the middle.
The best thing you can do through a divorce is to take care of yourself. This is a daily decision and it starts with doing all the things that will help you cope with the pain, heal and move forward. Finding support from trustworthy and safe people is necessary, processing the situation with a therapist may also speed up the healing process but loving yourself enough to take the high road and maintain your dignity is a key factor in getting through a divorce. Whether you chose divorce or not reality is that there will be better days ahead and you are worthy of love and happiness. Staying focused on the positive things in your life will help your outlook. Take your focus off your ex and onto the fact that it ended for a reason, you deserve more and your life is not over. This is the beginning of a new chapter.
If you are struggling during this season call Life Counseling Solutions (407) 622-1770 to receive additional support and guidance. Our expert therapists can also provide a complimentary 15-minute consultation as request upon calling.
Author: Veronica Concepcion