I love my daughter. I’m almost obsessed with her. She’s the cutest, sweetest, best baby ever. She brings me joy. She brings me purpose. She has shown me a completely new capacity to love. I didn’t think I could love someone as much as I love her. But she is not my best friend.
So often I have people asking me, “Isn’t having a daughter great? Isn’t she your best friend?” And I usually don’t answer, but the truth is YES, having a daughter is amazing, but NO she isn’t my best friend. Let me explain…
A best friend gives and takes in a friendship.
And I love my little girl, but all she does is take…and that is perfectly okay because that’s all she supposed to do at this point. I am her provider. It is my job to give and it is hers to take.
Best friends are equals.
I don’t think this one needs too much explaining, but my daughter and I are far from being equal in this relationship. (I work a lot harder than she does!)
My husband is my best friend.
I know this sounds cliché, but he really is and I want my daughter to see a healthy marriage so that one day she will desire someone who loves, values and respects her the way her father does me. She will eventually grow up and move out and get married. If I put her before my husband, I’m going to be left with my “best friend” moving on with her life, instead of me and my husband/best friend starting a new chapter in life.
My best friend is my (other) best friend.
I’ve known my best friend since we were 11 years old. We’ve grown together, gone through huge life events together and are able to relate to and support QAone another. This is something that (as of right now) I do not have with my daughter.
I’m her mom.
One of the biggest mistakes I see in my counseling office is parents trying to be their child’s friend instead of their parent. My daughter will have plenty of friends, but only two parents and being her parent isn’t something I’m taking lightly.
I will be kind, loving and compassionate. I don’t believe in our household being a dictatorship or anything, but at this point, her father and I are in charge, and in real friendships, one friend being “in charge” doesn’t work!
Having a daughter is a bajillion times more precious than having a best friend.
I love my friends. I have a good amount of some quality ones. And consider a few to be the “best,” but no one comes close to the love that I have for my daughter. My daughter isn’t my best friend because that title isn’t even good enough for what she is to me.
She’s my own flesh and blood, my little me, my answered prayer and dream come true. She’s created a part of me that I didn’t even know existed and (sorry friends) but that is way more than any friend could ever give me.
One day, I do hope to be one of my daughter’s best friends just like my mom is to me. But only after I do my best to guide her into adulthood. As of right now, I’m her mommy and that is truly the best.
Call Life Counseling Solutions today to learn more about family therapy services at 407-622-1770.
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