You now can check off your list, college, career and a long term relationship. So what’s next? A family? You agreed with your Mr. Right, “No baby.”
A baby makes things complicated; it’s hard to have a career and ties you down. You have never felt the maternal pull. You are a woman of a new age, different than your mother.
You have a career, work outside the home and you bring more to your relationship than an intellectual dowry. No baby necessary. But you feel a sudden tick tock, tick tock! You rapidly realize that you may have underestimated biology. It’s cliché, I know! You have a high baby fever.
You discuss your feelings with your Prince charming. He tells you he isn’t ready to be a father that the economy is bad, he can’t afford it, he’s too young or he’s too old, he’s been there done that, he will look like the kid’s grandfather, he doesn’t want to do it all over again.
It will change his lifestyle and your sex life. You won’t be able to spend as much time together, you can’t travel with him; the list goes on and on.
You are now at a biological count down and relationship stand- off! Your fertility has a best before expiration date. You know your life experiences and secondary education didn’t prepare you for this and the negotiations are on!
So you present and defend your best argument worthy of the Supreme Court, trying to convince your man to have a baby. He won’t budge. What to do?
Here are 5 tips to help you talk to your man when baby fever hits:
Give it time.
Layoff of the topic for awhile and see if you can agree to revisit the baby notion in a month or two. Change can be scary and having time to digest the idea may open further discussions about what having a baby would be like for the both of you.
Research and understand the positives a baby may bring to your relationship but also look at what baby stressors can do to you both. Understand what it means to have a baby the beautiful, loving, fun part but the Nitti Gritty too.
Problem solve together.
Being in a relationship means you share your problems and working through what each one of you wants for your future is an ongoing goal and not just about having a baby.
Gain some perspective.
Understand your relationship will evolve and be different, which is normal after having a baby. Your guy may be worried that he will lose you in the process but being prepared will make a big difference in your ability to communicate, intimacy and prioritizing your time together. It will take some effort.
Get some help.
Seek counseling as a couple to talk about your relationship openly and honestly. Discuss your feelings about having a baby with your partner. Your family or friends won’t be unbiased and will express their opinions which can confuse the both of you even more.
A counselor is a confidential unbiased sounding board, who can help you problem solve. If you are old school FYI… The crazy has been taken out of counseling; it is the new normal, it helps!
Need help to sort it all out? We are here! Call Life Counseling Solutions at 407-622-1770 for a free phone consult of click here to make an appointment.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]