Stop Forcing Gender Neutrality on Your Daughter? | Orlando Family Counseling

I am the mom of an incredibly cute four month old baby girl. When I had her, I started following different mommy Facebook pages and blogs mostly because I like to see that other moms have a sense of humor about this whole being a parent thing. But I am starting to see a pretty annoying blast of posts having to do with “gender neutral.”

The reason this irks me is not because of the whole gender neutral idea. Trust me. I like that my baby girl sometimes wears blue pants and hoodies and orange PJs and, in fact, most of her toys are gender neutral in case I have a boy one day. But the frustration comes from the type of comments certain moms and bloggers are saying. Here are a few (real) examples:

• FORTUNATELY, my daughter never went through a princess phase.
• You will try everything in your power to keep your daughter from the frills but she will beg for it and you will, sadly, give in.
• My daughter only plays with Legos. No Dolls for her!
• Currently, my daughter is wearing a Spider-Man t-shirt and baggy pants! And I couldn’t be more proud.

Why are we so scared to let our girls be girls? What is wrong with frills? What is wrong with tutus? In the midst of feminism we have lost the idea of femininity. Now hear me out: Legos are great! They teach children creativity, coordination and other valuable skills. But dolls are great too! They teach children responsibility and how to be caring and gentle.

The gender neutral move just feels very forced. And it seems like cyber moms are in a competition to “out gender neutralize” each other. Great, your kid wears Spider-Man. Who cares? Why are you boasting about it? My daughter wore the cutest sweater dress and tights last week but I didn’t post about it on a Facebook status. If it really was just a natural way of being, then why are we obsessed with it and up in arms about it? And why are you attacking other moms who aren’t gender neutral fanatics? I thought we were all on the same mom team here.

Do I think it’s wrong for a girl to want to play with swords and baseballs?! Absolutely not. But am I going to boast about it if she chooses that over ballet…or vice versa?! Absolutely not.

I believe we are capable of raising amazing, strong, kind women, but by doing that, there needs to be BALANCE. Don’t force one thing or another on your child, but allow her to see all sides of life and then, when it’s age appropriate, allow her to start making decisions that will help build her self-esteem and self-worth. If you push this gender neutral idea too hard, she’s going to be confused in her identity because she may feel guilty for wanting girly things and this will make adolescence that much harder. Rather than focusing on gender neutral toys and clothes, encourage your daughter to value gender neutral characteristics like love, thoughtfulness, selflessness and kindness.

About the Author: Deann has a passion and talent for working with adolescents. Being a High School teacher for three years gave DeAnn insight into the struggles and difficulties that teens face on a daily basis. She works with clients to discover the root issue causing anxiety, and then help them to overcome it. DeAnn has spent a lot of time specifically working with social anxiety with teens and adults.

Call DeAnn today at 407-622-1770 to find out more information about her services! You can also learn more about DeAnn…..