By: Colleen Andre, LMHC
In a documentary called “Diana, 7 days,” Prince William and Prince Harry share their experiences in dealing with the death of their mother. “I remember just feeling completely numb, disorientated, dizzy,” William said. “You feel very, very confused. And you keep asking yourself, ‘Why me?’ All the time, ‘Why? What have I done? Why? Why has this happened to us?'”
Dealing with death is never easy. It is not easy two days after the loss. It is not easy 20 years after the loss, as in the case with Princess Diana. Dealing with death is not supposed to be easy. You valued and loved that person and grief is part of losing them. At the same time, dealing with death does not mean you have to feel constantly overwhelmed, depressed, and lonely. Here are 4 things to remind yourself as you are dealing with loss:
First, it is important to remind yourself that even among the tragedy and grief, you are not alone. You loved and were loved by this person. Therefore, there is someone else who loved and was loved by them too. Know you have support and seek refuge in them especially if they are trying to deal with the death as well. Do not isolate. It is important to be open and find comfort in people who you trust and feel safe with.
Secondly, numbing your pain and compartmentalizing emotions is not the solution. As Prince William stated in the documentary, there was a part of him that knew about his obligation and duties. At the same time, the other part of him wanted to just cry after losing his mother. You experienced loss. It does not matter if the loss was recent, years ago, or even decades ago. Death is death and it is normal to feel pain. Even the great Prince William is not immune to emotions. Allow yourself the freedom to feel. Go by what is happening to you instead of comparing yourself to others. If you are angry, allow yourself to be angry. If you feel deep sadness, allow yourself to experience your feelings.
Lastly, go by what you are experiencing instead of what you perceive in others. Refrain from criticizing or shaming yourself for “not getting over it
Keep in mind these considerations as you are dealing with death. Losing a loved one can be a very traumatic and heart-wrenching experience. In addition, the aftermath of the loss can be just as traumatic as discovering the death itself. Anniversaries, special events, and even TV shows (such as the upcoming one on Princess Diana) can be triggers for grief to reappear. When triggers and upset appear, value yourself by seeking support and even professional services to help process the grief.
If you need additional support, feel free to call Life Counseling Solutions at 407-622-1770 to set up an appointment or a free 15-minute consultation. Or make an appointment online today by clicking here. Connect with me on Facebook or Instagram for more tips, encouragement, and posts.
The upcoming documentary “Diana, 7 days” will be aired on August 27th, 2017 by BBC One at 7:30 pm E.T. Here is the link to the trailer.
About Colleen: Colleen values the importance of a comfortable and non-judgmental atmosphere. At the heart of her work, she seeks to create a safe environment in which clients can feel at ease while working through life’s difficulties. Her specialty is working with women and adolescents struggling with trauma/past pain, anxiety, and life transition issues. She also enjoys assisting those facing multicultural or race-related issues. She is dedicated to equipping clients with practical skills to better manage and reduce symptoms such as anger outbursts, anxiety, or restlessness. Ultimately, her goal is to help clients uncover the source of their distress so that they can begin to heal. See Colleen’s full bio.