The Problem With Rape | Orlando Sexual Abuse Counseling

Yesterday, a reporter asked President Obama to make a statement about the allegations that Bill Cosby drugged and raped women.  The President declined to comment on Bill Cosby, but followed with a statement that is going to hit home with almost everyone, because it registers as obvious.  He said, “No civilized country should tolerate rape.”

As a society, we agree that rape, and along a continuum, any form of sexual abuse is wrong.  When we define the concept of rape on paper, it is clear that sex, or sexual acts, that happen through force, coercion, or without mutual consent are wrong.  If we imagine a rape, or sexual abuse, we think scary, dark, criminal figure seeking out a victim, stalking them, and overpowering a weaker person in a dark alley.  That scenario can and does happen, even though it never should.  But statistics show that 4 out of 5 assaults occur by someone who knows the victim, and that 47% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance of the victim.

The problem with rape is that when it happens in reality, it is not as clearly defined as a crime in the victim’s mind. 4 out 5 times a victim is raped by someone that they know, not a scary stranger in a dark alley at night.  It’s this personal experience with their perpetrator that leaves the victim feeling confused about what’s actually happened.    It’s easy to put the label “rapist”, “sexual abuser” and “pedophile” on a scary stranger that you don’t know.  Victims of rape, date rape, and sexual abuse are often reluctant to move forward because they are unsure about what they’ve experienced and are unsure about what to do; and they are even more unsure when it’s a person that they know personally!

A rapist and sexual abuser will count on their victim feeling confused, unsure of themselves, and at fault for what happened.  Like other kinds of abusers, rapists and sexual offenders often will count on a personal betrayal bond with their victim, and hide behind their victim’s shame and confusion to keep their crimes silenced.  The first and biggest challenge for the victim who has been assaulted is to believe that a crime has been committed against them.  And how we can begin to help victims is by changing our definition of a rapist from that scary stranger to what it actually often is:  A person who the victim likely knew, loved, trusted, admired.

Are you reading this now…and still feel you can’t get pass the complications sexual abuse has left you to deal with? Life Counseling Solutions offers a faith based 12 week group for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse called ‘Wounded Heart’ based on the teaching of Dr. Dan B. Allendar, facilitated by Zuleida Herba, LMHC, CHHC. Enrollment is open and rolling for both a men’s and women’s group. Please call our office 407-622-1770 to sign up or for more information.

Zuleida is an experienced therapist, but she is also a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a survivor. Zuleida’s therapeutic specialty is relationship. Her clients know her for bringing her best therapy for “Women and those that they love” She is skilled at addressing important issues: Relationship, Depression, Co-Dependency, Anxiety, and Abuse, to name a few. Families, Women, and Teenage girls in crisis connect especially well with her. She is well versed in the unique stresses and multiple balancing acts that busy families face, especially with families that require crisis therapy intervention.