When an affair has occurred, who is to blame?  The responsibility most often should be allocated to the betrayer of the relationship – the husband.  This is not to say the “other woman” does not have responsibility, especially if she knew he was married.  However,it’s understandable that the other woman becomes the target for a lot of the anger and rage people feel.  It makes sense to most people that the other woman is responsible for much of the misery brought on as a result of an affair.  It is tempting to believe that if it were not for the other woman, the affair would not have occurred.  However, that’s not necessarily true.  It’s more likely that it just means there would have been a “different” woman. What are the main reasons that women blame the other woman?  

Here are three main reasons that I have seen women blame the other woman.  

  1. There is a false belief that if it were not for the “other woman” the affair would not have occurred.
  2. In the mind of the betrayed person, it is less painful if she believes someone else did this to her family rather than her husband made a choice to betray her.
  3. In some cases, the couple bonds by blaming the other person. When a woman is in shock after finding out about her husband’s affair, often times it is easier to hate “the woman” especially if the “other woman” knew the man was married to someone else.

The blame primarily is the betrayer and the key to healing the marriage is getting help to walk the couple on their journey to restoring and rebuilding the trust that was broken in the relationship.

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