Battling Sex Addiction

In a culture obsessed with sex, it might seem surprising that we don’t hear more about sex addiction. However, there is plenty of information for people addicted to alcohol, drugs and gambling. In a culture where sex, like alcohol, is socially acceptable and encouraged, and sexual images and provocation abound, it becomes more challenging to distinguish between normal sexuality and excessive, or abnormal, sexual behavior. However we are becoming better able to understand and treat this sexual disorder.

Sexual Addiction: What is it?

The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” In other words, a sex addict will continue to engage in certain sexual behaviors despite facing potential health risks, financial problems, shattered relationships or even arrest.

Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:

Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands

Five Healthy Couple Conversations

When I counsel couples that are not married yet, I often probe about their past and current conversations.  If a couple responds, “We have not discussed that yet”, it reveals one of the contributing factors as to why they are in my office.

A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk.

Whether you or someone you know is in a relationship, the following conversations are important for a healthy and happy relationship.

1. Childhood Experiences:  Our childhood is the template for which the rest of our life is built, so it is important to know how your partner has experienced that time frame […]

You Wanna Hook Up?

Why bother asking someone to dinner or to the movies when you can meet at a party, down a few drinks and go “hook up” for the night?


In my freshman year of college, I can remember going down the hall to the shared bathroom among the dorm rooms and seeing some of the girls hung-over around the sinks.  I caught my roommate’s eye and asked her what happened last night with that guy she had met at the party?  She said, “We had fun together with no strings attached if you know what I mean.  It was great!” Since those days, very little has changed in the female world of sexual freedom, it has only evolved into what we now call “hooking up”.

“Hooking up” can include all of the bases, and the ambiguity is intentional. Modest types can imply that less happened than did, and braggarts can hint at hitting a home run.  Hookups can be defined by alcohol, physical attraction and a lack of expectations in the morning.
“Hook-Up Mentality”
One of the legacies from the sexual revolution is the “hook-up mentality”.  The assumption behind that mentality is that sex is just another recreational activity.

There are many reasons why hooking up has become the name of the game and old-fashioned dating virtually does not exist anymore.  A big reason involves the changing social roles of women and the evolution of female sexual freedom.

These concepts can be baffling to parents and members of older generations who are used to a courtship culture, not a hookup culture.  However, it can also be confusing for those active in hooking up.  Hooking up often leaves participants confused about […]