Pre-Marital

Kate, Duchess of Cambridge…Baby Love? Orlando Women’s Counseling

 

How do you define love?  Is it the pounding of the heart, sweating palms, passionate, or an instant connection?  Being in love and falling in love for some, describes the action of attachment and a long term commitment… the “You Complete Me”.  So how does this tie into the new little Royal Baby and Kate Duchess of Cambridge? Is it Baby Love at first sight?

Love and Hormones

Did you know that the hormones (primarily Oxytocin) that connected you to your husband/partner/ baby daddy are the same hormones that connect you to your baby?   The hormone Oxytocin that is released during interactions with our partner helps us bond and connect with our baby.  Voila Baby Love!  Just as we move beyond lust/passion and enter into a meaningful relationship with our partners, we must do the same with our babies.  An immediate connection may not occur the minute the doctor places your child in your arms.  Despite how the media, other women and our culture have glorified this experience; it is often not reality.  New moms are exhausted, anxious, often drugged, concerned about breastfeeding/milk supply and meeting the stranger they have carried for 9 months.  Loving your babe (like breastfeeding!) may take time, not all things occur as naturally as they are portrayed.  It’s alright and doesn’t have to be “Baby Love” at first sight.

Expectations of Baby Love

If we could change the expectations of “Baby Love” we might be able to help prevent anxiety, fear and a mother feeling she is not good enough.  We could then be realistic and honest about pregnancy and childbirth.  If we were to acknowledge “Baby Love” is not […]

3 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Single | Singles Counseling & Therapy

girls night out 2I took nearly two hours to get ready for a fun night with my single girlfriends.  My Michael Kors outfit was fab, my makeup was spotless, and the compliments were overflowing from my girlfriends.  We were going to paint the town red, or at least that was the plan. But on that particular night I felt empty and more so than usual.  I was looking for acceptance, validation, and recognition, but not from my girlfriends. I was hoping that my Prince Charming would magically appear and whisk me away into the sunset. HE never showed up! My expectations weren’t much after all; I was only asking for a half decent looking guy with a pulse. Was that too much to ask for? Years later, I realized it was too little to ask for.

Hindsight is 20/20. I wish I had the self-love, self-worth, and self-confidence that I do today.  Why isn’t this a high school graduation requirement?  Why aren’t children taught the meaning of self-respect and self-love before they are taught Algebra I (which most won’t use anyway)?  The truth is I can’t go back in time and whisper to myself, “love yourself Joann, you are good enough.” I struggled and felt empty.  But what was I truly missing if love wasn’t the answer?girls night out 5

1. I was missing a positive inner voice.  I was too busy focusing on what others said, waiting for them to affirm what I should have already known.  I was good enough, worthy enough, and beautiful enough that night and every other night for that matter.  […]

Finding Purpose in Being Alone: 3 Ways to Uncover the Power of One

Singledom: we’re either there, been there, or going to be there! This stage and time in our lives is something we all, as human beings, hold in common. Everyone, regardless of size, color, economic position, power, or geographic location will experience this very moment in their lives at some point. How we take advantage of this time is up to us on an individual basis. There can be power in your singleness, you just have to uncover it.

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1.  There is power in self-discovery. This process is intense and incredibly different for a person who is single versus someone who is in a relationship. This is the time to not only discover your likes and passions but also to discover your own personal barriers to finding healthy love. You need to uncover that power, gently, by peeling away layer after layer of who you are, why you are the way you are, and who you want to be. There is power in knowing your previous relationship triggers, your deep individual hidden issues and expectations. While you are single, self-exploring and reflecting, you have the ability to take the steps necessary for change without affecting anyone but YOURSELF.
Uncover: Self-discovery can be a bumpy journey but it is o’ so worth it. Begin by journaling or meditating on the events that have made a significant impact in your life. Ask yourself, what consequences has it had on me personally and romantically? What behaviors do I display when I am triggered by similar events? What are those triggers or events? Acknowledge the purpose those circumstances may have had in your life and make the decision to be different. Give […]

  • Three Ways to Help You Walk Away from a Toxic Relationship Three Ways to Help You Walk Away from a Toxic Relationship

    Three Ways to Help You Walk Away from a Toxic Relationship

Three Ways to Help You Walk Away from a Toxic Relationship

It Is Hard To Walk Away From Toxic Relationships 

Why do we hold on to a toxic relationship?  There is no solid one-answer-fits-all response. What is clear is that humans are creatures of habit;  finding comfort within discomfort.  Unfortunately, people who come from a dysfunctional family dynamic are also likely to repeat family dysfunction in their own respective families and romantic relationships.  So how can you walk away from someone you love so passionately, whom you’ve invested so much time and effort into, and someone whom you’ve shared so many experiences with?  Walking away is not easy but if you want to break those unhealthy relationship patterns from your past, some tough decisions may be in order.  Here are some tips to help you walk away with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child:

1. First, identify if the relationship has ran its course or if it is simply going through a rough patch. 

Identify the red flags; take inventory of the good, the bad, and the ugly. An example of a red flag that can help you identify an unhealthy relationship is if you are keeping secrets from others or within the relationship itself.  I am not talking about privacy.  Privacy is important in a marriage to protect the integrity of your union but secrecy is something you keep from others because you are a) embarrassed, b) afraid others will dislike your partner, c) afraid of the repercussions, or d) all of the above. For more information check out “Warning!! Warning!! Four Signs Of A Potentially Toxic Relationship.”

2. Have the courage to say “enough is enough.”

People often stay in toxic relationships because it’s “not that bad,” because “they […]

Boosting Your Marriage Libido

Have you hit a rough spot in your marriage when it comes to your sex life?  Is it just not the same anymore as it used to be?  Do you have a lack of physical attraction to your partner?  Or can you simply not find the time anymore due to work or children?

Reasons For a Low Sex Drive

Mismatched Desire

The problem may lie in the fact that you and your partner have different desires when it comes to sex.  Having a low desire may cause your partner to feel rejected.  Having a high desire may cause your partner to feel overwhelmed.  Finding a balance is key.

Hectic Lives

You come back from the honeymoon and real life hits you.  You both may have full time jobs, are overworked, have five little rascals running around the house, are too tired and simply cannot find the time to physically be with one another.  It’s extremely important that you nurture your relationship no matter what your duties are on a day-to-day basis.  Sex is a main component of any marriage and needs to be nurtured just as every other aspect of your marriage.  Just as you discuss your finances together you ought to make time to talk about your sex life.  Marriage is a bond between the two of you that needs to consistently […]

Three Tips For Healthy Boundaries In Your Relationships

Did you know that privacy concerns are more prevalent now than ever before since technology has made it so easy for us to take a peak into other people’s lives?  What if it becomes too much?  Do you constantly find yourself taking a look at your husband’s text messages or email accounts?  When have you crossed the line and stepped over the boundaries that were set by you and your partner? Did you even set boundaries in the first place?

What can you do to spare your relationship from boundary violations?

 

1. Set Boundaries Early in the Relationship

Most couples discuss their finances, but did you know it is essential that relationship boundaries are discussed as well. Couples have a tendency to wait to discuss the nitty gritty things until something bad happens. This is why it is important to be proactive right from the start. Be open to talk about important aspects of the relationship early on and be sure you both are on the same page with the decisions you make regarding your relationship.

2. Communicate

Communication is key in any relationship. Again, it is important to be open with one another and talk about the important aspects of the relationship and not wait until somebody gets hurt. It may be healthy depending on your relationship, to set aside some […]

Five Ways Singles Celebrate Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is here! The day that some people dread who are not in an intimate relationship. Did you know that most people do not know the history of the famous Saint Valentine? Saint Valentine was actually a Christian martyr of ancient Rome! Valentine’s Day did not become associated with romantic love until the 14th century in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer when courtly love began to flourish.

These facts alone should keep you at ease approaching this day! It is a lovely thing to cherish the ones we love but that does not have to be an intimate partner. It can be our family and friends as well.

With the day approaching soon, let’s take a look at some of the things you could do whether you are single or married.

1.  Enjoy Your Family and Friends

  • Take this day to spend some time with your friends and family. Have your friends over for dinner, you could all bring a dish or cook something together. Just enjoy the time together! Be thankful for one another!

2.  Enjoy Nature

  • Go take a long walk on the beach, in the woods, or the mountains. Take some time to get away from the hassles of every day life and enjoy the beauty of nature that you are surrounded by where you live. You don’t have to do this by yourself. If you want, grab a friend or one of your family members to tag along. Take this time to catch […]

5 Effects of Pornography on Individuals, Marriage, and Family

Pornography, which is the depiction of graphic sexual acts, has tremendous effects on anyone that continuously engages in its viewing.  It distorts a person’s concept of the nature of sexual relations which in turn can alter his/her sexual attitudes and behavior.  Below are some of the effects pornography has on its viewers.

1) Effects on the Family

Married men (this can also apply to women) who regularly engage in pornography are more likely to be dissatisfied with their wives and can become detached emotionally from them.  Wives may not be aware that their husband is viewing Pornography but they do notice a difference in his attitude toward her.  His change can be due to the fact that Pornography viewing makes you numb to “normal” sexual relations.  The more you are exposed to, the more you want it.  It’s like a never ending vicious cycle.  It may not just be the wife that’s suffering, if children are present they will be affected by their father’s pornography viewing as well.  A consequence of pornography viewing can be a loss of interest in family relations.  That also means less time spent with children.  All the addict can think of is how to satisfy his cravings.  Another problem can arise if a child becomes exposed to the pornographic material or accidentally finds his/her father engaging in Pornography.  This can very much distort the child’s perception of his/her father and the child’s image of healthy sexuality in general.

2)  Effects on the Individual

One […]

5 Things To Do If Single During the Holiday Season

It’s that time of the year again! The holidays are drawing near, yet, you are still single? You feel lonely, depressed, and a sense of hopelessness, wondering if you will ever find that special someone in your life. Christmas is not about finding your mate, or celebrating your marriage. Let’s remember the true meaning of the Christmas season.


Let’s take a look at some of the things you can do to find meaning this season:

1.  Organize A Get Together

Why not invite your friends over for a fun dinner party? Have each one prepare a dish to bring to the party. This is a great way to enjoy each other’s company and spend some quality time with the ones you love.

2.  Do Something For Someone Else

This is a great way to donate your time over the holidays. If you have friends that have kids, offer to watch them for a few hours while their parents run errands. Help them make their Christmas presents, decorate the house or take them out to a Christmas market or ice skating. It will be a great way to bond with the kids and gives your friends some time for themselves.

3.  Spend Time With Your Family

Spend […]

5 Ways Your Relationship Can Survive The Holidays

Ready or not the Holidays are here!  It seems every year; most people are surprised at how fast the Holidays came around, but one thing we know for sure …it does come around!  Did you know that January is like Christmas for most divorce attorneys with spikes in divorce consultations following the Holidays?  What can you do to avoid being a part of that New Year statistic?  There are five areas that you must be proactive in during this Holiday season with your spouse to survive the holidays!

 

1)  MONEY continues to be a huge conflict for most couples.  It is important that you do not avoid the “money talk” in the hopes that the other person does not notice the increased spending bills.   It is healthy for the relationship to have a discussion about the Holiday spending budget and to consult with each other on the purchases of gifts.  This will avoid any surprises after the fact or resentment from one person feeling like they were not included in the financial decision-making process for the Holiday spending.

2)  IN-LAWS can become the topic of many couples heated discussions around the Holidays especially if they all live in the same city!  You can avoid this hot button issue by having an agreed upon way that is fair to you both to spend the holidays with the extended family.  For some couples, this means alternating each holiday with the different families.  For example, you have […]