Parenting

The Characteristics of Poor Communication

Are you facing struggles in your relationships with your friends and loved ones?  Do you feel like the other person does not understand you or never listens to you?  Are you having a hard time communicating with other people in general?  The main reason couples struggle in their relationships is because of poor communication.  Many couples, and people in any other relationships, have a hard time communicating in an effective way.  Most likely, it is not always the “other” person that is in the wrong but you yourself as well.  It can be hard to acknowledge that, because that means we have to give in and agree with the other person but always being right is not what this is about at all.  Let’s take a look at some of the characteristics that lead to poor communication.

           

  1. Truth– You insist that you are “right” and that the other person is “wrong”.
  2. Blame– You say that the problem is the other person’s fault.
  3. Martyrdom– You claim that you are the innocent victim.
  4. Put-down– You imply that the other person is a loser because he or she “always” or “never” does certain things.
  5. Hopelessness– You give up and insist that there is no point in trying.
  6. Demandingness– You say you are entitled to better treatment but you refuse to ask for […]

How To Fight Fair

Arguing is inevitable in relationships but whether disagreements kill a marriage or make it stronger is dependent upon how a husband and wife fight.

Successfully married couples have mastered the art of argument by following the 10 ground rules for fighting fair:

The meaning of your communication is the response you get

  1. Stick to the issue.  Don’t let disagreements over Billy’s bedtime become debates over conflicting theories of child rearing, or disgress to include whose job it is to take out the garbage.
  2. Avoid verbal abuse.  Name calling and personal attacks obscure the subject of the disagreement and create a bitterness that lasts long after the immediate problem has been resolved.
  3. Don’t use accusatory remarks and blanket condemnations.  Marriage counselors suggest prefacing objections with “I feel bad when you…” instead of “You never…” or “You always…”
  4. Bury past transgressions.  Don’t keep bringing up old arguments or past sins. Deal exclusively with the problem at hand.
  5. Disagree as a team, not as opponents.  When winning is the objective, the subject of the disagreement gets lost, fighting dirty increases and the marriage as a whole loses.
  6. Employ compromise and tradeoffs.  Compromising means that both sides give a […]

Four Ways To Deal With Guilt

Burdened with feelings of guilt?  Have you done something to cause hurt to your friend or spouse?  Let’s take a look at what you can do when those feelings start to take over your whole being.

 

 1) Pay Attention to the Feelings

  • Guilt is simply a sign telling your conscience that something is wrong.
  • Embrace your feelings, feeling guilty can be a good thing, there is a reason as to why we feel guilty.

2) Determine the Source

  • Are you feeling guilty because you have done or said something that may have caused hurt to someone or are you feeling guilty because you ate too much chocolate today?
  • The ultimate question is:  Are your feelings appropriate?  Do you feel guilty because you really did something morally wrong or are you feeling guilty for something that has no rational purpose?

True Guilt

  • True Guilt means that you feel guilty for a good reason.  You probably have caused hurt to someone close to you.

If that is the case, you have to ask yourself what you can do to fix the problem.  What can you do to receive forgiveness from your friend or spouse?

If for some reason you are not able to apologize […]

Is Your Commute Ruining Your Relationship?

Today, we are encouraged to take on lots of new commitments, doing many things, but potentially doing few things well like our most important relationship.  Did you know that new research from Umea University indicates that a 45-minute commute each way increases the likelihood of a breakup by 40%?  This study examined the habits of 2 million couples over 10 years, and concluded that the social costs of work travel may outweigh the monetary gains.

Below are a few possible reasons for commuter’s increased relationship troubles:

1)   Partner’s imbalance of commute times:  If one partner travels farther, the other might get stuck with greater family or household duties.  The partner left holding the bag may feel like they are being taken for granted.

2)    The relationship may not have been as stable before the long commute came into the relationship.  Couples in early marriage or those that were already having relationship challenges can get deeper into disconnect with longer commutes.  If a marriage is also unhappy or has become short on intimacy and fulfillment, it will run the couple down over time.

3)    Long commutes can be frustrating, contribute to certain health problems, and contribute to a general reduction of happiness.  Most individuals who do not feel good about themselves or have health problems can be prone to depression, which can lead to emotionally distancing in relationships.

Below are three strategies to combat […]

Pornography and Sex Trafficking

  • Pornography is used as a “tool” to train trafficked children and women so that they will “know” what to do in performing sex acts.
  • Often, the forced sexual acts between the prostituted woman/child and the John will be filmed and photographed and then shared elsewhere.
  • Studies show that pornography users often seek to act out what they have viewed in porn. Often their partners will not engage in such acts, so they seek it elsewhere – increasing the demand for trafficked women and children to be prostituted.
  • Pimps are operating more and more online as it becomes easier to connect with potential buyers and to remain anonymous. Popular websites like www.Craigslist.com and www.Facebook.com have become “virtual brothels” where one can quickly find prostituted women and children to engage in sex acts.
  • As addictions to pornography increase, users seek harder and harder material. There is a recent boom in the availability of “live” porn as trafficked children and women are forced to perform “on-demand” sex acts in front of web cameras as “Johns” or porn users watch.
  • Porn users do not and cannot distinguish between trafficked women, prostitutes, and porn stars. Pornography fuels the global sex trade by driving demand into the mainstream of society.

 

Five Warning Signs of Facebook Depression

Did you know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recently warned that there are potential harms linked with teen social media usage? Did you also know that teens that already struggle with low self-esteem can be triggered into Facebook depression?  It is important that if you are parent of a teenager that you know what to look for if your teen has already experienced challenges with comparing themselves to their peers.

Here are five warning signs to look for in your teen if you are concerned that Facebook has impacted their mood potentially causing depression:

1 – Obsession: The teen spends large amounts of time talking and thinking about their Facebook activity.

2 – Social Isolation: The teen spends more time alone and engaging in online activity rather than spending face to face time with their friends.

3 – Academic performance change: The teen has gotten lower grades and has spent less time dedicated to studying.

4 – Physical appearance/health decline: You have noticed that your teen is […]

Three Ways To Thrive After Childhood Sexual Abuse


What comes to mind when you think of that deep dark secret that you wish would just disappear?  If you were a victim of childhood sexual abuse, you are probably thinking of the abuse.

The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that one out of every three women and one out of every six men have been sexually violated. America is home to an estimated 39 million survivors.

Many people’s lives are shattered in many different areas as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Most survivor’s injury is obvious, however, what about the relational damage that can carry through adulthood. Whether it was a one-time violation or a long – term trauma, the effects impact their relationships.  Below are three tips that can start you toward the healing journey in your life if you were a victim of childhood sexual abuse.

1) Be Silent No More – Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse have great fears and anxiety about building close friendships.  Healthy bonds with other people are what get us to a deeper level of healing.  Most survivors struggle with thoughts of feeling damaged, dirty, alone, and afraid […]

5 Tips: Talking To Your Kids About Infidelity


Tiger Woods recent confession and discussion about his treatment has drawn attention to the effects of infidelity on the entire family.  Unfortunately, Tiger is not alone, couples every year are faced with how to talk to their kids about infidelity.  How much do you tell them?  How should the hurt parent express their feelings about the indiscretions?  Should the kids be told at all?

It is one of the most difficult things to endure when you find out that your spouse has been unfaithful.  If you’re the one that has cheated, you probably realize the amount of pain that has been inflicted on your spouse.  What you may not comprehend is the pain that your child can feel because of infidelity.  This is a crucial time for your children.  It will either be an opportunity to open the doors for healing or create an even more hurtful situation depending on how it is handled.

The following are five tips to keep in mind when having that family meeting to tell the kids what has happened:

1. You want to keep in mind that your kid’s belief of who their parent was can be shattered when they find out about the betrayal.  Therefore, keep away from emotional, hurtful conversations that paint the betrayer as a bad person in front of the kids.

2. It […]