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The X Factor: 5 Signs You Are NOT Over Your Ex | Breakups

 

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“I’m so over him! I don’t care anymore!”

How many times have you said this but shortly thereafter you were wishing you were back together?  Have you ever felt so certain that this time you were going to move on, only to then have the “what if” thoughts flood your brain?  You are not alone!  Did you know that 9 out of 10 people reading this have been on this roller coaster ride?  The thing is …we don’t really like this ride; it’s very difficult to handle.  Some might find themselves daydreaming about their ex or reliving the good times even months or years after the relationship has ended.  They may really want to think that they’re over their ex but subconsciously might be harboring romantic feelings, which can keep them from finding healthy love in which both parties are mutually invested.

Here are some signs that you might still be holding on to the past:

Sign #1: You are still hoping to “bump” into him. 

If you are still going to the same hang out spots, hoping to run into him with your new sexy outfit on, you are not over your ex!  Sure you know his schedule, it involved you, but it doesn’t anymore. That can be a hard realization but until that sinks in, you may find yourself not taking the necessary steps to keep it moving.

Sign #2: You want him to see you happy

girls night out 8If you are posting a usual amount of “party girl” pictures on your social media sites, just so he can see you that you are perfectly fine without […]

Kate, Duchess of Cambridge…Baby Love? Orlando Women’s Counseling

 

How do you define love?  Is it the pounding of the heart, sweating palms, passionate, or an instant connection?  Being in love and falling in love for some, describes the action of attachment and a long term commitment… the “You Complete Me”.  So how does this tie into the new little Royal Baby and Kate Duchess of Cambridge? Is it Baby Love at first sight?

Love and Hormones

Did you know that the hormones (primarily Oxytocin) that connected you to your husband/partner/ baby daddy are the same hormones that connect you to your baby?   The hormone Oxytocin that is released during interactions with our partner helps us bond and connect with our baby.  Voila Baby Love!  Just as we move beyond lust/passion and enter into a meaningful relationship with our partners, we must do the same with our babies.  An immediate connection may not occur the minute the doctor places your child in your arms.  Despite how the media, other women and our culture have glorified this experience; it is often not reality.  New moms are exhausted, anxious, often drugged, concerned about breastfeeding/milk supply and meeting the stranger they have carried for 9 months.  Loving your babe (like breastfeeding!) may take time, not all things occur as naturally as they are portrayed.  It’s alright and doesn’t have to be “Baby Love” at first sight.

Expectations of Baby Love

If we could change the expectations of “Baby Love” we might be able to help prevent anxiety, fear and a mother feeling she is not good enough.  We could then be realistic and honest about pregnancy and childbirth.  If we were to acknowledge “Baby Love” is not […]

4 Warning Signs of Sibling Bullying

A new study published in the Journal of Pediatrics from researchers with the University of New Hampshire brings light to a very talked about subject in a very different environment. We are all aware of the unfortunate situation of bullying occurring at school. Name calling, physical aggression, and children taunting each other are the common methods used by bullies towards their victims in the school setting. Depending on the severity of the bullying that an individual has experienced, it can have lasting impact on their emotional and psychological well-being.  But what about being bullied at home? Is it possible to be bullied by your own sibling? The aforementioned study finds that sibling bullying is real and can be harmful to a child or adolescent’SIBLINGBULLYINGs mental health.

Surely if you have grown up with brothers and sisters, or have children of your own, you are aware that various forms of sibling rivalry can occur. Maybe you argued over who the best athlete is or constantly fought over who would ride in the front seat.  Sibling bullying is different from sibling rivalry in that its main purpose is to hurt the other child. This can occur physically or emotionally.  Sibling bullying is different from peer bullying in that siblings have the ability to get at each other quickly. Parents, listed below are a few warning signs and advice to use if you suspect that sibling bullying is going on in your home. While this is not an exhaustive list, it exists to give parents a starting point to help assess the relationships between their children.

WARNING SIGNS

1.       Harsh insults are forms of sibling bullying and can take […]

7 Ways To Stay Sober When Traveling | Addiction | Life Counseling Solutions

Have you heard the old adage that “when the cat is away the mice will play?” When children are left unsupervised it doesn’t take long for them to find, or create, a little mischief. Who can blame them? Our brains quickly process the situation: no one’s around, this doesn’t happen too often, let’s take advantage of this opportunity and have some fun. As we grow out of childhood and even adolescence into young adulthood, not a lot changes in regards to “opportunistic situations.” For some men, and perhaps women as well, the struggle to not view pornography while at home or throughout the week in daily routine can be a real internal struggle. Now take that same individual and send them out-of-town to work and you have a potentially hazardous situation. Here are seven healthy tips that should help protect you when leaving the comforts of home for work in another city or country.global_professional-career-dining-etiquette-business-dinner-iStk

  • Everyone who struggles with pornography addiction or any other sexual compulsivity should have an accountability partner. If you don’t have one, get one! If you can’t find one, I’ll be yours until you can. Inform him or her of your work trip plans and increase the number of contacts over this period of time. This will help you to not take this trip in isolation, which can be a disaster if you’re in the hotel room all by yourself.
  • Try and book a hotel that doesn’t offer HBO type channels or offer pornographic videos. If you can’t find one simply request that the television be removed for the duration of your stay. Nothing is more important than your sobriety. Another option is to […]

3 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Single | Singles Counseling & Therapy

girls night out 2I took nearly two hours to get ready for a fun night with my single girlfriends.  My Michael Kors outfit was fab, my makeup was spotless, and the compliments were overflowing from my girlfriends.  We were going to paint the town red, or at least that was the plan. But on that particular night I felt empty and more so than usual.  I was looking for acceptance, validation, and recognition, but not from my girlfriends. I was hoping that my Prince Charming would magically appear and whisk me away into the sunset. HE never showed up! My expectations weren’t much after all; I was only asking for a half decent looking guy with a pulse. Was that too much to ask for? Years later, I realized it was too little to ask for.

Hindsight is 20/20. I wish I had the self-love, self-worth, and self-confidence that I do today.  Why isn’t this a high school graduation requirement?  Why aren’t children taught the meaning of self-respect and self-love before they are taught Algebra I (which most won’t use anyway)?  The truth is I can’t go back in time and whisper to myself, “love yourself Joann, you are good enough.” I struggled and felt empty.  But what was I truly missing if love wasn’t the answer?girls night out 5

1. I was missing a positive inner voice.  I was too busy focusing on what others said, waiting for them to affirm what I should have already known.  I was good enough, worthy enough, and beautiful enough that night and every other night for that matter.  […]

Theme Park 101 for New Moms! Orlando Women’s Counseling

 

 

We all love theme parks, the excitement, characters, rides, the magic that thrills adults and children.  As a mom you want to take it all in and have an experience of a lifetime with your family. You and your partner/husband, baby and toddler in tow, may want to attack this foreign land with the determination of climbing Mount Everest. It can be challenging and feel like trying to reach the summit with a stroller, baby, toddler and significant other strapped to your back. The air may start to thin and you ask yourself, “What Was I Thinking?” Moms often are command central for vacations and planning. For a new mom/ mom with a new baby it can be overwhelming.

Yes, I was one of those moms! I flew with my 6 week old, toddler and husband to the Mecca of theme parks. It is an understatement to say that I was not prepared. Our trip began with a ride on the boat to take us across the magical waters to the Kingdom. Getting off the boat I did not anticipate the jockeying that was required when handling a stroller and competing with scooters for asphalt. Yep, I narrowly escaped a collision with a diehard theme park lover on a scooter. This was hard core!

The crowds were overwhelming; and the mommy/ baby area was at the front of the park, who knew? Time to feed baby: I couldn’t find anywhere to sit down. My husband was in a ride line with our toddler. I did what I could; I ducked behind my stroller, hunched on a curb, nursed my baby and prayed that […]

Finding Purpose in Being Alone: 3 Ways to Uncover the Power of One

Singledom: we’re either there, been there, or going to be there! This stage and time in our lives is something we all, as human beings, hold in common. Everyone, regardless of size, color, economic position, power, or geographic location will experience this very moment in their lives at some point. How we take advantage of this time is up to us on an individual basis. There can be power in your singleness, you just have to uncover it.

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1.  There is power in self-discovery. This process is intense and incredibly different for a person who is single versus someone who is in a relationship. This is the time to not only discover your likes and passions but also to discover your own personal barriers to finding healthy love. You need to uncover that power, gently, by peeling away layer after layer of who you are, why you are the way you are, and who you want to be. There is power in knowing your previous relationship triggers, your deep individual hidden issues and expectations. While you are single, self-exploring and reflecting, you have the ability to take the steps necessary for change without affecting anyone but YOURSELF.
Uncover: Self-discovery can be a bumpy journey but it is o’ so worth it. Begin by journaling or meditating on the events that have made a significant impact in your life. Ask yourself, what consequences has it had on me personally and romantically? What behaviors do I display when I am triggered by similar events? What are those triggers or events? Acknowledge the purpose those circumstances may have had in your life and make the decision to be different. Give […]

Three Ways to Help You Walk Away from a Toxic Relationship

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Why do we hold on to a relationship that we know is not healthy for us?  There is no solid one-answer-fits-all response. What is clear is that humans are creatures of habit;  finding comfort within discomfort.  Unfortunately, people who come from a dysfunctional family dynamic are also likely to repeat family dysfunction in their own respective families and romantic relationships.  So how can you walk away from someone you love so passionately, whom you’ve invested so much time and effort into, and someone whom you’ve shared so many experiences with?  Walking away is not easy but if you want to break those unhealthy relationship patterns from your past, some tough decisions may be in order.  Here are some tips to help you walk away with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child:

 

First, identify if the relationship has ran its course or if it is simply going through a rough patch. 

Identify the red flags; take inventory of the good, the bad, and the ugly. An example of a red flag that can help you identify an unhealthy relationship is if you are keeping secrets from others or within the relationship itself.  I am not talking about privacy.  Privacy is important in a marriage to protect the integrity of your union but secrecy is something you keep from others because you are a) embarrassed, b) afraid others will dislike your partner, c) afraid of the repercussions, or d) all of the above.

Have the courage to say “enough is enough.”

People often stay in unsatisfying relationships because it’s “not that bad,” because “they don’t physically hurt me,” or because “they have good intentions.” Is […]

Baby Fever… 5 Ways to Talk to Your Man about the “Tick, Tock, Biological Clock.” Orlando Women’s Counseling

You now can check off your list, college, career and a long term relationship.  So what’s next?  A family? You agreed with your Mr. Right, “No baby”.  A baby makes things complicated; it’s hard to have a career and ties you down.  You have never felt the maternal pull.  You are a woman of a new age, different than your mother.  You have a career, work outside the home and you bring more to your relationship than an intellectual dowry.  No baby necessary.  But you feel a sudden tick tock, tick tock! You rapidly realize that you may have underestimated biology.  It’s cliché, I know! You have a high baby fever.

You discuss your feelings with your Prince charming and he tells you he isn’t ready to be a father that the economy is bad, he can’t afford it,  he’s too young or he’s too old, he’s been there done that, he will look like the kid’s grandfather, he doesn’t want to do it all over again. It will change his lifestyle and your sex life.  You won’t be able to spend as much time together, you can’t travel with him; the list goes on and on.  You are now at a biological count down and relationship stand- off! Your fertility has a best before expiration date. You know your life experiences and secondary education didn’t prepare you for this and the negotiations are on!

So you present and defend your best argument worthy of the Supreme Court, trying to convince your man to have a baby.  He won’t budge.  What to do?

  1. Give it time.  Layoff of the […]

A Cry for Help: 10 Things A Mother Might Post

Did you know that Facebook and other social media may be paving the way to bring attention to postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis?  We communicate on social networks daily; connect, express our feelings and seek support from others. Sadly, today a news story reported a young mother posted a cry for help on Facebook: she planned to take her 6 month old child’s life and then her own.  Family alerted the police but they were not able to reach her in time and the outcome was devastating.                                                                                                            

Postpartum Depression Misunderstood

Postpartum DepressionMedia reports of severe postpartum issues create shockwaves in the public. Thus shame becomes associated with postpartum depression.  Many women who suffer during the postpartum period do not seek treatment for fear of being identified with those who take the lives of their children.  Cases of infanticide coupled with suicide make the news headlines however; it is very rare for postpartum depression to develop into postpartum psychosis. Fortunately, postpartum psychosis can be treated successfully:  early intervention and education is the key and saves lives.  A new mom may not be able to ask for help.  She may also not look typically depressed and may even appear that she […]