• Why Men’s Depression So Often Looks Like Anger or Rage Why Men’s Depression So Often Looks Like Anger or Rage

    Why Men’s Depression So Often Looks Like Anger or Rage

Why Men’s Depression So Often Looks Like Anger or Rage

By: Mike Martinez

Oftentimes you will see men getting angry and exhibit rage-like symptoms. What does this look like? Throwing things, violence, yelling… power? It’s highly unlikely that it will look like sadness. More often than not men will choose to express themselves in ways that show power and control versus the vulnerability and hurt that is associated with depression.

Depression causes us to feel the opposite of powerful and in control. It cripples us. We feel weak. Useless. Weakness and uselessness are unacceptable in our society – especially for men. Depression can be extremely frustrating. In times of frustration we may choose to exhibit anger. This may look like blowing up at friends, family, and co-workers. One reason that we may act like this is because in a way, we’re taking control and power back. If we cannot control how we feel then you better believe we will try to control that other person!

Another reason that is closely related to this is avoidance. In order to avoid feeling our depression we will act out instead. Men don’t want to feel… why would we? It’s much easier to throw something across the room or throw a punch than to throw ourselves into our psyche. We also really don’t want to let anyone in to see what’s really going on (see paragraph above). As men we would like to keep our vulnerability to ourselves, thank you.. not that we have any or anything…

Fear can also be a motivating factor in why depression so often looks like anger in men. We may be experiencing depression that is related to a fear we have. Instead of saying something like, “I’m so awfully terrified of losing you. Please […]

  • All About Overcoming Codependency in Women All About Overcoming Codependency in Women

    All About Overcoming Codependency in Women

All About Overcoming Codependency in Women

Do You Have A Relationship Addiction?!

Codependency also known as ‘relationship addiction’ implies a disturbed emotional state of putting the needs of your partner before you. Many women are victims of this codependency which forces them to stay in a self-defeating relationship. The reason is that they are either fearful of being left alone or feel entirely responsible to keep their partner happy. This tendency to please the partner leads to a toxic relationship which often makes a woman get attracted to even emotionally unavailable men. Here are some relevant signs of a woman getting into codependent relationship.

Signs of Codependent Relationship

  • You go beyond your limits to make your partner happy. You even avoid confronting your partner even on imperative issues just because you fear rejection.
  • Are you constantly worrying what your partner would think of you?
  • Has it become your habit to ignore your partner’s dishonesty, jealousies, and possessiveness?
  • Are you ignoring your self-care and even self respect just because of this relationship?

Well, if the answer to all the above mentioned points is yes, then you are in danger obviously.

However, by following some reliable tips, you can definitely come out of this toxic and dangerous relationship state.

Overcoming Codependency

  • If you find your present relationship to be destructive, try to look at your own behavior. You will get to see where you are wrong.
  • There is nothing wrong in being self compassionate. Remember, you are your own responsibility and you do not have to feel guilt about taking own care.
  • It is fine and healthy to take other’s help. In fact, many women have a perception that it is a sign of weakness to take help from anyone else. However, it is not […]
  • journaling, healthy, self-care
    6 Reasons How Journaling Helps Your Brain 6 Reasons How Journaling Helps Your Brain

    6 Reasons How Journaling Helps Your Brain

6 Reasons How Journaling Helps Your Brain

6 Reasons How Journaling Helps Your Brain

Did you know that affirmations and journaling can be very beneficial to you? Of course, journaling is not just about writing, but it is more about putting down your thoughts and affirming yourself. The following are some of the benefits of affirmations and journaling:

Builds your IQ

It is possible to stretch your IQ through the simple task of journaling. In fact, journaling has been found to be a good way of exploring language and, in the process, increasing your vocabulary. With an improved vocabulary, you will certainly come out as more intelligent than you were before you started.

Puts you in a state of mindfulness

In recent days, mindfulness has become a common prescription for people looking to be happier in their lives. Affirmations and journaling are some of the best ways you can achieve a state of mindfulness. In fact, you would not find a better way to get over past frustrations and overcome future anxieties. One of the reasons people tend to lose their cool is because they are living in the past or being anxious about the future.

Helps you achieve goals

One of the things you will put down in your daily journal is your dreams and ambitions. Writing down what you hope to achieve in the future adds color to an idea that would, otherwise, have died in the mind. A goal, once written down, acts as a blueprint of what you want to achieve. Your brain takes your goals to be more important when you write it down.

Improves your emotional intelligence

As a human being, you have lots of emotions to grapple. Therefore, you need to have the ability to perceive and manage your emotions. Not […]

  • men, couples, relationship, women, toxic relationship
    3 Reasons Why Powerful Women Fall For Emotionally Unavailable Men 3 Reasons Why Powerful Women Fall For Emotionally Unavailable Men

    3 Reasons Why Powerful Women Fall For Emotionally Unavailable Men

3 Reasons Why Powerful Women Fall For Emotionally Unavailable Men

There are specific qualities in the male character that appeal to women. Confidence. The man that has absolutely no insecurities….that you notice. Intelligence. The man who can hold an intellectual and lengthy conversation. Leadership.  The man who can lead a group or corporation in the right direction financially.

All of the qualities mentioned above are great to desire in a mate, however those qualities are not the only things needed for a healthy relationship. More often than not women have a checklist including things like, he must have a good job, he must be intelligent, and he must be on my level…meaning boss level!

Women rarely require a man to be a great communicator, meaning he can articulate his emotional needs. Or, a man to be compassionate, meaning he is able to allow the you to be you without insult. Lastly, women do no require a man to be someone who does not avoid conflict,  meaning the two of you will commit to discuss a win-win ending in times of disagreements.

Why do women over look these qualities.  Could it be because of great SEX!? Emotionally unavailable men may be some of the best partners you will ever encounter in bed. But, their selflessness in bed are not transferred to their emotional openness in a relationship.

Here are 3 reasons women fall for emotionally unavailable men:

  1. After seeing red flags, you stay in the relationship believing you can change him.
  2. You struggle with low self-worth.  Poor self-worth leads to poor thinking. Poor thinking leads to a false sense of reality.
  3. Feelings of rejection in a relationship feels normal due to your experiences of rejection in your childhood. Rejection can be so dangerous because it can lead […]
  • Deathly Afraid of Labor and Delivery Deathly Afraid of Labor and Delivery

    Deathly Afraid of Labor and Delivery

Deathly Afraid of Labor and Delivery

Deathly Afraid of Labor and Delivery

You are excited to be a new mom, to meet your precious little one. The only thing standing in your way is… delivery. You are deathly afraid and anxious about labor. You have a hard time sleeping and feeling calm as months, weeks, and days approach your delivery date. Worst case scenarios cycle through your head and anxiety swells up in your chest. You are so desperate to find some peace. Here are few tips to help you manage and reduce your fear and anxiety about labor and delivery.

Avoid Scary Stories

The worst possible thing you can do is  to swarm your mind with scary birth stories. Researching every possible outcome about what can go wrong is not helpful. You might be more informed, but you will be more fearful. Constant researching will add fuel to the anxiety fire. Limit your time on the internet and direct your mind on what excites and calms you.

Plan with Your Doula or Midwife

Overwhelming yourself with every potential incident that can go wrong is unhelpful. However, being prepared is not. Develop multiple plans with your doula and midwife in case a wrench is thrown into your ideal birthing plan. Having different plans can help ease distress because you know what you are getting yourself into. The plans will help calm anxieties of unforeseen situations.

Create a Mantra

How clearly are you thinking when your emotions are overwhelming you? Do you remember all the helpful tools your read? Are you logically? The answer is no! When you are wrapped up in your emotions or feelings, clarity is thrown out the window. Therefore, it is important to have a mantra you can repeat to yourself or […]

By |January 18th, 2018|Articles|0 Comments

Dear PostSecret: A Letter To An Assault Survivor

Dear PostSecret: A Letter To An Assault Survivor

postsecret, assault, sexual assualt, survivor, anger, pain, heal. grow

Dear postsecret,

You are experiencing so much pain, anger, and hurt after hearing the phrase “it could’ve been worse.” Assault is horrible, wrong, and a violation. You do not deserve what happened to you and it was traumatizing. The cutting phrase “it could’ve been worse” devalues your experience. Your rights were stolen in that moment and that is that. It hurts me to even read that this was your experience. You deserve better.

Facts and Effects of Sexual Assault

1 out of every 6 American women have been a victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime according to the rape abuse and incest national network (RAINN). Look around the room and start counting. 1 and 6 American women. In addition, an American is sexually assaulted every 98 seconds. After learning how high the statistics, you maybe feeling some shock. Or, you feel numbness because you are a survivor.

Sexual assault or attempted/completed rape strips a person of every bit of power and control in one moment. A survivor may feel a variety of emotions in the aftermath. Assault is a devastating occurrence and many survivors feel at blame or disgusted with themselves. Every bit of them wants to forget and wash the incident away like dirt off their hands but it is not that […]

  • 5 Tips To Help You Deal with Holiday Depression 5 Tips To Help You Deal with Holiday Depression

    5 Tips To Help You Deal with Holiday Depression

5 Tips To Help You Deal with Holiday Depression

Holiday Depression 

 Are the holidays a time of depression and passive suicidal thoughts for you? Do you feel an over emphasis of uncertainty or the fear of never having the life you have envisioned for yourself during the holidays? Life is bigger than supplements and enhancement. Life is about living and believing that what we have is enough as we are on the journey to living life of abundance. It is time for you to take inventory of where you are now. Are you in the same place as you were last year? Has your situation changed, in a positive or negative way? You have the power to change your current situation. Here are 5 tips to help you counteract holiday depression.

1.  Make the decision to take the journey for change now.

2.  Pay attention to how you talk to yourself  and turn those negative thoughts to   positive thoughts.

3.  Surround yourself with like minded positive people.

4.   Join a local support group, avoid isolation.

5. Forgive yourself for all mistakes and believe that it will get better.

If you are struggling in this area and want advice, guidance or support call me today at Life Counseling Solutions at 407.622.1770

Orlando blended family and weightloss CounselingCherlette combines person-centered, cognitive-behavioral, Solution-Focus, brief therapy along with other theoretical models as needed. Cherlette is a realistic and compassionate person who believes that
counseling should be tailored to the needs of the client. Her goal is to help you explore the negative beliefs that are keeping you stuck and no longer beneficial. Cherlette will […]

Halloween: Trick or Drink OR Trick or Treat?

Halloween: Trick or Drink… I mean treat!

If we search Halloween party ideas what do we find?  

  • “Drunk Party Ideas”
  • “Best Halloween Cocktails”
  • “Halloween Games with Rules to Get You Wasted”…

Here are some facts that don’t pop up:

  • According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, last year over 43 percent of all motor vehicle deaths involved drunk driving on Halloween night.  
  • In 2013, 26 percent of all pedestrian fatalities on Halloween night involved a drunk driver, according to NHTSA.
  • Halloween ranks as the third-deadliest day of the year for pedestrians, according to the NHTSA data, which examined 25 years of data to determine the most dangerous days.
  • Halloween is also in third place of the most dangerous day on the road for drivers (Christmas and New Years are first and second).

Several reasons explain why these tragedies may be occurring.   A law enforcement officer described in a recent interview how more pedestrians and impaired drivers are on the road.  Sadly, because of this there are more accidents and fatalities.  Children are amped up on sugar, parents may be under the influence not completely aware of what’s going on, and others drink and drive their children to different events.  

Instead of making risky decisions that place ourselves and others in jeopardy, there are many ways to take precautions that won’t end with serious consequences.

If we choose to drink during this […]

  • How to Balance Helping Others & Still Care for Yourself How to Balance Helping Others & Still Care for Yourself

    How to Balance Helping Others & Still Care for Yourself

How to Balance Helping Others & Still Care for Yourself

How to Balance Helping Others & Still Care for Yourself

As a supportive friend, helpful family member, or reliable employee you are the one everyone goes to when in need. The fixer, advice giver, helper. At the same time, you feel exhausted, irritable, anxious, and stressed out. You find yourself run down because your energy is always spent on others. What you really crave is a healthy balance between helping others and caring for yourself. You want the freedom to say no instead of feeling obligated and guilty. It is possible to create a sense of balance for yourself. Here are four steps to implement to help you balance between helping others and caring for yourself.

First step: Stop “Yes-Vomiting”

You have heard of the phrase word-vomiting, now apply it the word yes. The only way to begin taking care of yourself is to stop over-committing. Your automatic reaction may be to say yes even if your gut says no. Or, you pick up a phone call or respond to a text message without giving a second thought to the so-called “emergencies.” Give yourself some time before throwing yourself at every opportunity. 

For example: ask for a day or two to consider the request or task before agreeing. Or, wait an hour or the end the day before responding to the “crisis” text message or call.  Many times people will resolve their own problems if you just give it time. In addition, you are honoring yourself by giving some thought and time before committing.

Second step: Evaluate

As Lysa Terkeurst states in her book “The Best Yes” […]

Dealing With In-Laws Who Do Not Seem To Accept You

Is it normal to want to be accepted by your in-laws?

Not feeling accepted by your mother and father in-law can bring complications, causing you to feel rejected and uncomfortable around them. If you think about it you’re joining into a family with a long history of established bonds. Realistically it can feel like you are the outsider especially when your in-laws have a strong bond with your spouse’s Ex.

If your relationship with your own parents is strong and in-tact the one with your mother and father in-law may never measure up. Don’t make the assumption that the same relationship you have with your parents you will have with your mother and father in law.

Rejection by in laws is emotionally hard. In reality you may never be accepted by your in laws the most important factor in resolving problems of acceptance by in-laws is your spouse’s support.

 When it comes to dealing with  in-laws who do not seem to accept you, here are 3 tools to remember:

1. Loving your spouse includes honoring his or her parents.

2. Validate your spouse’s feelings when he/she shares their perception of a situation that took place with your parents/ in-laws.

3. Don’t hold negative feelings towards your spouse based on your in laws actions towards you.

If this situation resonates with you and you want guidance, advice or support call me today 407.230.4582 or 407.622.1770 or email