Anger Management

Is Your Commute Ruining Your Relationship?

Today, we are encouraged to take on lots of new commitments, doing many things, but potentially doing few things well like our most important relationship.  Did you know that new research from Umea University indicates that a 45-minute commute each way increases the likelihood of a breakup by 40%?  This study examined the habits of 2 million couples over 10 years, and concluded that the social costs of work travel may outweigh the monetary gains.

Below are a few possible reasons for commuter’s increased relationship troubles:

1)   Partner’s imbalance of commute times:  If one partner travels farther, the other might get stuck with greater family or household duties.  The partner left holding the bag may feel like they are being taken for granted.

2)    The relationship may not have been as stable before the long commute came into the relationship.  Couples in early marriage or those that were already having relationship challenges can get deeper into disconnect with longer commutes.  If a marriage is also unhappy or has become short on intimacy and fulfillment, it will run the couple down over time.

3)    Long commutes can be frustrating, contribute to certain health problems, and contribute to a general reduction of happiness.  Most individuals who do not feel good about themselves or have health problems can be prone to depression, which can lead to emotionally distancing in relationships.

Below are three strategies to combat […]

Three Reasons Couples Increased Intimacy After 9/11

What we often tend to forget during times like 9/11 is that tragedy also provides one, unintended service: It brings us closer together and allows us — for one fleeting moment, anyway — to feel we share common bounds in humanity.  We become more human and more focused on the things which really matter in our lives — our family, friendships, and social relationships with others just like ourselves.  The community comes together, joined in their sorrow and grief.

There are three things that most couples experience after national tragedies such as 9/11:

1.  Appreciate life after the wake-up call to seize life’s moments.

How often do we say that we want to do something, go somewhere, and make time for others?  If we are not careful, life can pass us by and we miss out on making the most of the moment.  Be sure to celebrate even the little things in life so they are not missed!

2.  Re-prioritize the important things in life (starting with important relationships).

Sometimes it is those closest to us that we take for granted and we forget to remind them and show them how much they mean to us.  Let your spouse, children and family see in real and specific ways that they matter to you and watch how you grow closer together.  On the other hand, make sure you distance […]

4 Ways Unforgiveness Destroys Your Marriage

Unforgiveness does its work slowly.  It’s almost like mold behind a wall, you may not notice it this day or the next day, but eventually you will experience its harmful effects.

1. We increasingly limit the intimacy of our relationship.
Unforgiveness is like a wall that you are building a brick at a time, a week at a time, and over a significant period of time the wall gets very thick and very high in the sense that intimacy in your relationship is lost.

2. We carry the ever-exhausting weight of bitterness.
Out of all the consequences of being bitter, the most debilitating is that we are worn out by it.  The more we are bitter the more it makes us tired in our heart.  It eventually makes us tired in our body as well.  Bitter people are exhausted people because it is a weight to carry.

3. We model for our children a life of gracelessness.
Those little eyes and hearts are watching us to see what we do when we are hurt and have had something done to us that was clearly wrong.  When they see that we respond with unforgiveness, distance, coldness, and bitterness, what we are programming in their little hearts is that when people hurt them, they […]

Five Reasons Why One Partner Gives Up On The Marriage


1.They have met someone else (distraction).

Their emotional energy is flowing toward another person.  This is particularly true when a husband quits trying in a marriage.  They will tell their wives “I don’t love you anymore” or “I am not sure I want to be in this marriage”.  Nine times out of ten there is someone else.

2. They feel they are not listened to (discouragement).

Men tend to complain more often than women that they are not listened to which leads to discouragement.  The person concludes, “Why should I keep trying?”

3. They can’t resolve their inner emotional conflicts (detoured).

A person quits trying when they are so self-focused and so pre-occupied with their own emotional issues.  This is particularly true when someone is suffering from depression. They can be very self-focused about their pain, hopelessness, and sadness. Often they will contribute nothing to the marriage.  This is simple because they are being detoured in the area of their own unmet emotional needs.

4. They are tired of feeling like a failure (downtrodden).

Five Warning Signs of Facebook Depression

Did you know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recently warned that there are potential harms linked with teen social media usage? Did you also know that teens that already struggle with low self-esteem can be triggered into Facebook depression?  It is important that if you are parent of a teenager that you know what to look for if your teen has already experienced challenges with comparing themselves to their peers.

Here are five warning signs to look for in your teen if you are concerned that Facebook has impacted their mood potentially causing depression:

1 – Obsession: The teen spends large amounts of time talking and thinking about their Facebook activity.

2 – Social Isolation: The teen spends more time alone and engaging in online activity rather than spending face to face time with their friends.

3 – Academic performance change: The teen has gotten lower grades and has spent less time dedicated to studying.

4 – Physical appearance/health decline: You have noticed that your teen is […]

Three Ways To Thrive After Childhood Sexual Abuse

What comes to mind when you think of that deep dark secret that you wish would just disappear?  If you were a victim of childhood sexual abuse, you are probably thinking of the abuse.

The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that one out of every three women and one out of every six men have been sexually violated. America is home to an estimated 39 million survivors.

Many people’s lives are shattered in many different areas as a result of childhood sexual abuse. Most survivor’s injury is obvious, however, what about the relational damage that can carry through adulthood. Whether it was a one-time violation or a long – term trauma, the effects impact their relationships.  Below are three tips that can start you toward the healing journey in your life if you were a victim of childhood sexual abuse.

1) Be Silent No More – Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse have great fears and anxiety about building close friendships.  Healthy bonds with other people are what get us to a deeper level of healing.  Most survivors struggle with thoughts of feeling damaged, dirty, alone, and afraid […]

Three Ways To Tame The Inner Hulk


You stupid idiot…get off the road…where did you learn how to drive!  Do these words sound familiar to you? Unfortunately, the expression of anger is commonplace in our culture.  We laugh hysterically when we watch characters on our favorite TV show get angry and in the case of the Incredible Hulk we are in anticipation of him getting angry.  Anger is a healthy emotion and can be a positive emotion when expressed appropriately.

Many people do not really understand what anger looks like in their life.  The reason is many people have the misconception that an angry person is limited to someone that yells or screams to make a point.  Perhaps like Chris Brown in the Good Morning America dressing room?   However, anger manifests itself in each person differently.  For example, there are people that express themselves by getting loud, slamming doors (this is called an aggressive style of expressing anger). While others express it by not saying anything or avoiding it (this is a passive style of expressing anger).  Another common way of expressing anger is by giving the cold shoulder, or agreeing with the person you are angry at then turning around and doing whatever you want (this is being passive-aggressive).

It is necessary to identify what angers us the most, whether it is something […]

Three Dangers In Couples Sleeping Apart

Different Schedules, snoring, restless leg syndrome or the kids? More and more couples are saying good night before going their separate ways to different bedrooms!  Is this new trend healthy for couples?  When couples make a decision to sleep in separate bedrooms, they most likely did not come to that choice lightly.  However, if couples are not being intentional about keeping their relationship alive, there can be some hazards to the relationship as a result of sleeping separately.

Below are three dangers in couples that sleep apart:

1)   Disconnection: Sleeping apart can contribute to distance in the relationship.  It can become easier to avoid each other in situations where connection and physical contact can benefit in bringing and keeping the couple closer together.

2)   Less Intimacy: Bedtime isn’t just for sleeping! This can be a time of cuddling or closeness that can lead to a time of physical intimacy for the couple.  If you are sleeping apart, sex will have to be intentional and perhaps scheduled to make sure this part of the relationship does not get neglected.

3)   Communication: When the day comes to an end, this is a great time for couples to turn work and other responsibilities off and have uninterrupted time to connect and check-in with each other.  This does not have to be a long drawn out conversation before bed, but rather a quality time to connect (try to keep it under 20 minutes nightly).

When individuals are rested, they are more likely to be focused and less moody with those around them.  Therefore, if you are sleeping apart due to medical reasons, different […]

3 Ways FaceCrack (Facebook) Ruins Relationships


Are you a part of this social-networking phenomenon? It has been described as addictive and “like crack.” I, myself, have joined Facebook in the last year. I got tired of “why aren’t you on Facebook?” Please don’t get me wrong, I love staying connected with family and friends through the network, however, I have several clients that have ruined the intimacy in their relationship by allowing Facebook to consume their time and energy more than their spouse. According to a recent University of California, Los Angeles, report “the cost of Facebook could be the devaluing of real friendships and the reduction of face to face interactions.”

Let’s define Addiction in its simplest term: Anything that we use or turn to over and over to meet a legitimate need in an unhealthy way.

If you relate with the below, you could be a Facebook Addict!

1.You use Facebook as a distraction and it takes you into a fantasy world on some level. Facebook can give you the illusion that you have many friends and yet does not require […]

Battling Sex Addiction

In a culture obsessed with sex, it might seem surprising that we don’t hear more about sex addiction. However, there is plenty of information for people addicted to alcohol, drugs and gambling. In a culture where sex, like alcohol, is socially acceptable and encouraged, and sexual images and provocation abound, it becomes more challenging to distinguish between normal sexuality and excessive, or abnormal, sexual behavior. However we are becoming better able to understand and treat this sexual disorder.

Sexual Addiction: What is it?

The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” In other words, a sex addict will continue to engage in certain sexual behaviors despite facing potential health risks, financial problems, shattered relationships or even arrest.

Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:

Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands