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“I’m so over him! I don’t care anymore!”

How many times have you said this but shortly thereafter you were wishing you were back together?  Have you ever felt so certain that this time you were going to move on, only to then have the “what if” thoughts flood your brain?  You are not alone!  Did you know that 9 out of 10 people reading this have been on this roller coaster ride?  The thing is …we don’t really like this ride; it’s very difficult to handle.  Some might find themselves daydreaming about their ex or reliving the good times even months or years after the relationship has ended.  They may really want to think that they’re over their ex but subconsciously might be harboring romantic feelings, which can keep them from finding healthy love in which both parties are mutually invested.

Here are some signs that you might still be holding on to the past:

Sign #1: You are still hoping to “bump” into him. 

If you are still going to the same hang out spots, hoping to run into him with your new sexy outfit on, you are not over your ex!  Sure you know his schedule, it involved you, but it doesn’t anymore. That can be a hard realization but until that sinks in, you may find yourself not taking the necessary steps to keep it moving.

Sign #2: You want him to see you happy

girls night out 8If you are posting a usual amount of “party girl” pictures on your social media sites, just so he can see you that you are perfectly fine without him, you are not over your ex!  What do you hope to accomplish by him seeing your carefree I-don’t-need-you pics?  What do you hope to achieve by him seeing you with another guy out in public?  Revenge?  Payback?  These acts may be seen as spiteful and childish. So why not leave these games where they belong…in the schoolyard.

Sign #3: You keep talking about him

If you are bringing up your ex’s name in random conversations, reminiscing over a drink or two, you are not over your ex!  We speak what is in our hearts and in our minds. So if you are still talking about him as if he was still your boyfriend (ex: I’m sure Johnny would love that movie) then most likely you haven’t moved on and are holding onto the hope that maybe one day you will be back together.

Sign #4: You are cyber stalking

If you find yourself constantly checking his status updates, pictures, and comments on his social media sites, you are not over your ex!  You may still have feelings if you want to know if he is “happy” or if he has moved on. You should not be asking your ex’s friends, siblings, or coworkers about any updates on his life or whereabouts.

Sign #5:  You keep comparing every guy to your ex

If you are back in the dating world and nit picking at every guy you meet, making insignificant things bigger than they really are, and comparing them to your ex, you are not over that ex!  If you are making observations and comparisons such as, he drives an’08 Corolla (not an ’12 Beemer), I’m use to tall guys, he doesn’t make me laugh like my ex did, he can’t read me like my ex could, then you are headed down a dead end road where no one will ever match up.  There is a reason why your ex is now in your past and it’s probably best that he stays there.

Breakups are never fun and don’t always end cordially.  Sometimes breakups happen out of the blue, aren’t mutual, or are done out of spite.  Regardless of how the split occurred, now is the time for some reflection.  Not all ex-boyfriends get thrown away in the “you-are-dead-to-me box,” some can even remain in your life as a friend…well eventually but not without going through a healing process first. Trust in this process and control the urge to control.  You can heal from a breakup and you can love again, but you must first make the intentional decision to shed the old so you may embrace the new.  Focusing on the past will only weigh you down and keep you from living life on your own terms.

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